$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
