picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
