So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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