Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have fence marks all over my body
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
