Whod you bang
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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