carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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