oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
