Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
