I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
