your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
