you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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