Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
