I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize