he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
