It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Randomize
