it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
