I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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