I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My pussy is not your playground.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
