The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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