May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
