Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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