Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
