Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
