I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
