i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
