I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
