based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
