It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im holly from the hills drunk
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
