I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
