woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
