she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
