was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
