Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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