just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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