I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
