There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
