So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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