I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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