you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
