I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
