And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
