Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Four minutes until I can fart!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
