Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Randomize