from now on my penis is your penis
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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