note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
