1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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