Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize