i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
