Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize