We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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