do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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