Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize