I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
