he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
