no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
