i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
