break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize