Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
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