A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
