Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
