All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
