Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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