he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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