She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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