Don't you send me to vm
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
