So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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