I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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