Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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