he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
