she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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