that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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