the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
