we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
