So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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