I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
