i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
