absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
