Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
