I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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