Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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