you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
