I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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