obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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